Coatsie's Corner Editor, Lancelot L. Ink, Esq
APOLOGY FROM THE EDITOR:
Hello readers. This week we aren’t able to provide any photographs of Saturday’s play as our photographer Zeke the Bayview Hermit dropped his Pentax into the Terrey Hills Tavern lavatories. Apparently he was so drunk the staff thought he was asking them to retrieve his “Tampax from the dunny” and the receptacle was flushed losing the photos along with his valuable upskirts collection he has amassed from hours of riding Northern Beaches Public Transport.
So this week all the staff at Coatsie’s corner send their apologies and instead will provide you with some stock photography which will capture the essence of the moments described in the blog.
G'day sports fans and lovers of mindless prattle, welcome to Coatsie’s corner for the first time of the 2009 Season. Saturday saw the Wolves playing at home, matching up against Roseville for the first time in some seasons as Roseville have found themselves back in sixth division. Their club were short on first pick players according to word around the campfire, and had approached the Wolves about playing the match Friday Night under lights at Roseville’s home ground. “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…” was the measured response, before a few seconds of the sound of the dial-tone.
Not big Jason Croll: Possibly a relative though.
Big Jason Croll was Terrey Hills’ skipper and for my mind there wouldn’t be a better example of a bloke on paddock to pick for the role as the Burger is out of action with a broken hoof. A born leader though his play and composure, not unlike the Hamburgular himself. We have sent him to the vet and the verdict is new horseshoes and half an oat bag a day less whilst he can’t play. Jason didn’t let us down as he fired up the lads to get a good result out of them. I feel pretty confident last weeks average showing at the trials gave the boys a bit of extra curry for their souls and they played with aplomb.
The only uncharacteristic thing I saw on the day was Wombat Williams playing like he had feet on the end of his arms. I think we can forgive the man as he is such a week-to-week standout for the Wolves we can be certain he will be back into it next week with Tarzan’s grip on his palms ready and raring to go.
Randy the Wombat: also does kid's partiesThe other little bit of Randy the Wombat gossip is he got yellow carded, where he spent the last two minutes of the first half and as far as it looked to me about the first 15 mins of the second on the naughty chair. This was not due to the supposed head high tackle Troy made, but in my opinion due to the arrogant big shorts wearing turd blowing the whistle.
Some Referees: Love power
I do respect these blokes for giving up their time and keeping the game alive, but then wonder whether some would be better off either joining some debating society, pointlessly arguing the in’s and out’s of a ducks-arse with some other belligerent like minded wankers who also don’t fit in socially elsewhere, or taking up building ships in bottles where they can only blame themselves for fucking up the day.
15 Nick Ashworths: "The Horror... The Horror..."
Despite nearly being penalized out of the game the lads were excellent with some fantastic hands and running efforts. As Nick Ashworth said later after the game over a beer the ball was going out to the wing and back in, which is unheard of at Terrey Hills in the last few seasons. The most important aspect was the ball retention. You can’t win games without the pill as they say. They also managed to camp out in Roseville’s half for the lions share of the match and didn’t conceded any points until midway through the second half.
Balls scores the first try: (Slightly smaller than reality)Try’s were scored by the old Flatmates, Ben Hardy and Peter Nash. They were off the leash with their respective better halves away, so there must be some truth to better performance from abstinence. The worst possible thing happened and I missed them both; my apologies. The tries that is, not the girls (sorry girls), as I was at the bar and in the loo respectively. Where else..? If it’s not the sideline, it’s there you’ll find old Coatsie. After-all, you never buy beer; you just rent it.
Steve MacDonald: Deadly accurate. Sometimes. Mostly.Both conversions were nailed by Steve MacDonald who managed to make it seven points by firing another pearler over the black dot from ten meters in - well done you blokes.
Two blokes stood out and they were the mercurial Andy Gunstone at blindside and new recruit George at No. 7. These blokes were supported by fine efforts from Balls and Claude in the row. Claude managed to hit it up over and over again, he was eating up the opposition tackles like a fat Austrian kid necks chocolate. Liam replaced him later and took “Des and Troy” to work – great stuff.
Norman Gunston: No relation, and shithouse at RugbyAndy is the oldest bloke playing for the Wolves at the moment; a good nine years older than yours-truly and he goes at it like a wind-up toy. Makes me ashamed of my own fitness, or lack there of.
The Wolves' Scrum: harder to move than this heap of shit
He earned himself a point, along with Mitch who played exceptionally well, 2 points went to the Hit Machine Claude and man of the match was our fresh-faced Georgie-boy. I ran into him late in the evening, clutching the Club Pewter. “Free beer allll niiight” he slurred “This is awesome”.
That’s the idea old son, and don’t worry; as I say. You earned it. A 17~7 win.
Even after a week of rain, the game was not as muddy as this. Nor as sexy. Thankfully, otherwise I'd be VERY worried. Really, really worried....
So, a great season opener; as mentioned we had a fair consignment hit the Tav’ for a session well into the evening and I for one feel extremely confident that had Roseville rocked-up with their A-Team, they would have still lost and with the few bugs in the machine, once ironed out we have a great deal of red-hot potential in season 2009.
Go the mighty Wolves; this is just the start you needed.
Just like Yulong Oval: there was none on the park that day (if there was Shorty would manage to find it)
Until next time, remember: keep it real, a bird in the hand is worth anything in the bush, be excellent to each other, you can lead a horse to water, but only the Wolves can make the bastard drink, only women bleed, the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog, say g’day to your mum’s little sister for me, and watch this space for more Wolves tales throughout the season.
Coatsie (AKA “Le Fleur”)
Lancelot L. Ink, Coatsie's Corner Editor
